The Spirit of Spit

Thooka: I tell you, because of this wretched coronavirus this country is becoming like a dictatorship.

Thooki: Too true. As if all these lockdowns in so many places weren’t bad enough, now the sarkar in Kerala and in Maharashtra is imposing fines on spitting. Just imagine! If you spit in Kochi you get fined 5 00 bucks, and if you spit anywhere in Maharashtra, you have to shell out a whopping 1,000 bucks. Did you know your spit was so costly?

Thooka: I didn’t. And as other states come up with similar rules, the cost of spit and spitting is going to go higher and higher. And all because some say that spitting spreads diseases.

Thooki: Nonsense. Everyone knows that far from being a disease carrier, spit is a healing agent. When as kids we fell down and scraped our knees and elbows didn’t our moms tell us to put spit on them so they wouldn’t get infected?

Thooka: They did indeed. And for all anyone knows, spit could be the secret cure for coronavirus everyone’s looking for. So instead of fining us spitters for spitting, the sarkar should rewardus for performing a public service. Besides which, isn’t the right to spit a constitutional right? What was it that one of our great freedom fighters said? Spitting is my birthright, and I shall have it.

Thooki: Actually, I think what he said was ‘S waraj is my birthright, and I shall have it.’ Thooka: Swaraj, spitting, same thing. If we don’t have the freedom to spit as and when we like in our own country what was the point of winning Independence from the Brits?

Thooki: Well said. So to assert our Independence from foreign rule shall we do one thook-shook?

Thooka: But mightn’t we get fined?

Thooki: Don’t worry. I’ve already deposited an advance fine of Rs 10,000 with the authorities. So together now …

Thooki and Thooka (together): Acck, thooo….!

secondopinion@timesgroup.com blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/jugglebandhi